askpRoy Question
Hey pRoy! Do you co-sleep with your baby? If so, can you share how you do it?
Haaaa! This is a variation of a question I receive at least once a week. I don’t typically answer it more than just a “yes, I do”, but in this post I want to share how we co-sleep, if we practice the “cry-it-out” method, and tons more!
Shared Space Since Birth
As a breastfeeding mother, I knew I wanted to co-sleep. This decision was further confirmed when I attended a postpartum class at my birthing center. The doula who taught the course touched on co-sleeping and the controversy surrounding it. Through her presentation, she answered some of the questions we had regarding co-sleeping and without really knowing, gave me assurance that this would be the right decision for OUR family. I spent the last bits of my third trimester confident in our decision to co-sleep.
When Scout was born the transition from two people in bed to three people was seamless. We already prepared the bed for her arrival: tight fitted sheet, no heavy covers or extra pillows, and a firm mattress. Waking came easy for me, so I heard any and all movement made by everyone in the house (including her). I found the best sleeping position for us, got ample sleep (well, enough sleep that you can get with a newborn), and had my baby within arms reach for easy nursing and skin-to-skin.
Her Own Space Within Our Space
Scout will be a year old in less than a month and we still co-sleep. However, as she aged we added her own space to the mix. Currently, we have a queen sized platform bed. It could get tight sometimes because she loves to move, but this was an easy fix for us.
We knew we didn’t want to have a crib since those are pretty obsolete as they grow (not to mention they look like tiny jail cells – I’m just saying). A crib would also take up unnecessary space in our apartment. The same goes with a toddler bed. We’d keep it for a few years, then we would have to upgrade for growth. Economically, it didn’t appeal to us.
So, what did we decide on? A twin mattress on a platform base pushed against out bed. Together, it equals the height and firmness of out bed, thus extending our bed for extra sleeping space. Besides having room underneath the platform for extra storage, it’s low enough to the ground that we feel safe enough to have her up there alone.
When she is ready for her own space (read: bedroom), all we have to do is move the frame and mattress to a room of her own. It can grow with her until she’s out the house (I don’t know about you, but I slept on a twin mattress until I moved out of my parents house).
Fostering Independence
We added foam stairs to the end of the bed so she can climb on and off with ease. She’s tall enough now to swing her legs over the side and get down without the stairs, but she has the stairs for help.
Not having her confined in a crib offers her the independence she needs to freely explore should she so choose. For example, there are times when she wakes up in the morning and wants to be on the go. The solution of having the stairs by the bed allows for her to get off bed and play with her toys/books until we decide we are ready to wake.
Nighttime Nursing
Does she still wake for nighttime nursing? Yep, she does. This is another reason why co-sleeping works for us.
Nursing during the night helps to maintain breastmilk supply, but also helps me with using breastfeeding as birth control. My cycle has yet to return (known as lactation amenorrhea) and it’s because of the frequency of feedings (I breastfeed on demand). You can learn more about that here.
Creating A Bad Habit?
An argument can be made that when you co-sleep with your baby, you are creating a habit that they won’t be able to break for years to come. Listen to me when I tell you this: I never co-slept with my parents as a baby. I had a crib. At a certain age I was scared to sleep alone and I hauled ass to my parents room to sleep with them just about every night. This was without prompting by way of co-sleeping. I did that because I was child who was scared to sleep alone. And this went on for years until they made a firm decision to get me back into my own room at night.
I said all of that to say: it doesn’t matter if you co-sleep or crib sleep. A child will wander into a room to sleep with their parents because of various reasons they feel are valid. Co-sleeping does not create this urge to sleep with parents – being a child does. When a child is ready to be on their own, they will.
Ask yourself: do you prefer to sleep alone at night or do you like the warmth of having someone nearby? I can tell you: a child is a human who has those same wants and needs of closeness. Don’t be so hard on them for wanting to be nearby or yourself if you want to co-sleep.
Find your parenting groove and do what’s best for you.
Do You Let Her Cry-It-Out?
In short, the answer to this is hell no.
I think one of the reasons my baby is so happy is because we are very attentive to her needs. Doesn’t mean that she runs us or is “spoiled”, it just means that we pay attention to what she needs and do what we can to address the issue vs. addressing the symptom.
She doesn’t speak fluently enough to form her thoughts into sentences. She does know a little sign language so she’s able to engage with us in basic conversation, but sometimes she needs to say more and can’t articulate what needs to be said. This is normally where the crying comes in.
At the end of the day, she is a human that is crying for a reason. We choose to respect that, listen to what she needs, and act accordingly.
Co-Sleeping Benefits and Safe Practices
In addition to doing my own research, I took a class that discussed co-sleeping (as mentioned in the previous section) and was given handouts upon handouts of information detailing safe co-sleeping safe practices and benefits.
Though I won’t be including the handouts here, I wanted to at least share some websites that are reputable for those of you who are interested in co-sleeping.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Dr. Sears | Co-Sleeping: Yes, No, Sometimes
KellyMom | Co-Sleeping and Bed Sharing
Dr. Sears | Co-Sleeping Safely
These are just a few sites, but clearly these sites have resources within the linked articles that can help you learn more about the benefits of co-sleeping and safe practices. In all that you do: do your own research. Be informed and do what’s best for YOUR family.
Do you co-sleep with your baby? Why or why not?
